Kaiseki

ALERT: unseemly amounts of photos of strange food ahead. If you're not excited about baby raw squid served in their own ink, you might want to skip this one.

Do you recognize these people?

Ian and Tiara, founders of Farang Industries, and their honored guests, Steve and Barbara.

Committed to bringing you the best reporting possible, these brave gourmands traveled into the heart of Ohara, Japan, and donned robes to endure two days of soaking in hot springs, reading quietly by the garden, and partaking in never-ending kaiseki meals. We had two dinners and two breakfasts during our stay. The breakfasts generally involved salmon, rice, pickles, miso soup, and several forms of bean curds. They were delicious, and though I said at the time that I prefer my Western breakfasts, I have been craving miso, rice, and pickles like a madwoman for the past few weeks. Japan, we miss you....

Dinner is a real event, served in your room (or in our case, in mom and dad's room) by your own personal attendants. The entire meal is designed to reflect the season, and each course is exquisitely presented on flatware specifically chosen for that dish. It's like eating art, though generally it tastes better. Most of the courses were winners, and all of them were interesting. The following photos are of our dinner the first night of our stay. Our menu was in Japanese so we really don't know everything we ate, but here is my attempt to recreate the meal in roughly the order it was served.

An appropriately strange and colorful start. Soft pink tofu with broccoli, a green veggie and wasabi sauce, and raw little fishies. Not bad flavor-wise, and pretty cool texturally.

From left to right: raw octopus tentacles, radishes, bamboo shoots, butterfly-shaped radish, mochi, shrimp head, and broccoli.

Yuba. This stuff is weird but delicious. Soy milk is boiled and forms a skin, which is removed and eaten. Boiling and skin eating continues until all the milk is gone. We got a nice ponzo-esque dipping sauce for the skin.

Vegetable stock with some green veggies and this pretty package containing various forms of bean curd, including a red one that mom won't be wanting again, thank you very much.

Mmmm....sashimi. Mmmm some more.

Fried little fishies, lotus root, and some bean curds and sauces that I really don't remember. These fish were better than the ones that I got by surprise at a bar when I thought I had ordered salmon.

A sweet, eggy, creamy soup with some leafy greens. Also, adorable heart-shaped radishes.

Whole, raw baby squid served in their own ink. See below.

I feel really bad about this one. I was the first among the four of us to pop one of these little guys in my mouth, and I just could not hide the look that came over my face when I tried to swallow it. I managed to get it and another one down, but this was the one plate I didn't finish. I'm not much for squid sushi anyway, and the guts and ink just didn't improve the experience for me. Ian was a star and ate them all. Now that he's had rat soup in Laos, he's reaching Anthony Bourdain levels of food tolerance.

Various bean curds and root vegetables. Not bad. Not great.

Pickles! These were served with steamed rice, which didn't really merit a picture. I don't think either of these pickles are the kind offered to me by a man in Ohara, who opened with the line: "Are you famous?" Tiara: "Umm, no." Pickle man: "These pickles are famous!"

Miso soup. I wish every meal began and/or ended with miso.

Yummy black sesame pudding with kiwi and STRAWBERRIES! Given the cost of fruit in Japan, I see now why our stay at the ryokan was so expensive. Seriously, it's wild. Someday I'll show you a picture of a $100 cantaloupe.

This meal was truly special and I feel so fortunate that we were able to partake in the kaiseki tradition. Our dinner the second night was equally, if not more, delicious, but actually featured a number of more familiar foods. Thanks, mom and dad, for treating us so well!

Our first forray into scatological humor

We here at Farang Industries think of ourselves as "high society" people, exemplars of taste and discernment. Tiara quaffs only Hennessy Beauté du Siècle, Ian won't turn the ignition of any lesser vehicle than his Rolls Phantom Silver, and Charlie... well, Charlie's learning.

(On the subject of learning, a quick aside to Farang's new Chief of Staff Preston Vanderbilt Esquire: The Remy XO is only to be served to the canines of visiting guests; the Jaguar is only to be used for picking up dogfood like Remy XO. One more mistake and you're out on the street like Dillinger Carnegie.)

You are probably wondering why I bring all this up; surely our credentials are unimpeachable, and the 'Farang' name is synonymous with refinement and class. Well, dear reader, it is with heavy heart that I confide that the roar from the financial meltdown has sent echoes even into the upper echelons of society. Ad contracts are expiring, sponsorship is down, and readership is dropping off as more of our loyal devotees turn their attention to finding new employment instead of reading our blog at their (now empty) mahogany desks. In these troubled times we at Farang are trying to grow our readership by courting the... how to say? peasantry. So here now, we extend a foul smelling olive branch, a small gastrointestinal gesture of good will: a "poop" joke, which our consultants have assured us is something that you people enjoy.

Editors advice: Skip the fudge

9 Pictures of Kyoto

Kyoto has an unimaginable wealth of stunning gardens and temples. We spent four days there and probably saw less than a third of the recommended attractions. What we did see, though, was absolutely beautiful. Most Japanese gardens don't photograph well, because they're meant to be an immersive experience where every corner you turn opens up a whole new view. I actually found that our photos were really not a good representation of what it felt like to be in these places. We tried, though, so here are some images of a few of my Kyoto highlights. For a while I was doing really well remembering the names of all the gardens, but then I entered my Italy-induced gelato coma and now all I can remember is that my favorite Grom flavor is Cassata Siciliana. I'll be counting on mom to fill in the gaps for me.

I think Fushimi Inari was my favorite place in Kyoto. Tens of thousands of red torii gates wind their way through forested mountain paths. The temple is dedicated to Inari, the god of rice and sake. Each gate is donated by a Japanese business, wishing for prosperity in the coming year.

Prayers, wishes, and cranes at Fushimi Inari.

Ian on the Philosopher's Path during full cherry-blossom bloom. His mom took a similar picture when they were there almost ten years ago. What do you think, Debbie? Will this one go on the fridge too?

By the end of our time in Kyoto, the blossoms were just starting to fall, creating a light, fluttery pink snow. So surreal.

Golden Pavillion. We beat the tour buses here by about 45 seconds.

Temple, garden, and crane.

Garden view from a teahouse.

Pretty fountain.