Our first forray into scatological humor

We here at Farang Industries think of ourselves as "high society" people, exemplars of taste and discernment. Tiara quaffs only Hennessy Beauté du Siècle, Ian won't turn the ignition of any lesser vehicle than his Rolls Phantom Silver, and Charlie... well, Charlie's learning.

(On the subject of learning, a quick aside to Farang's new Chief of Staff Preston Vanderbilt Esquire: The Remy XO is only to be served to the canines of visiting guests; the Jaguar is only to be used for picking up dogfood like Remy XO. One more mistake and you're out on the street like Dillinger Carnegie.)

You are probably wondering why I bring all this up; surely our credentials are unimpeachable, and the 'Farang' name is synonymous with refinement and class. Well, dear reader, it is with heavy heart that I confide that the roar from the financial meltdown has sent echoes even into the upper echelons of society. Ad contracts are expiring, sponsorship is down, and readership is dropping off as more of our loyal devotees turn their attention to finding new employment instead of reading our blog at their (now empty) mahogany desks. In these troubled times we at Farang are trying to grow our readership by courting the... how to say? peasantry. So here now, we extend a foul smelling olive branch, a small gastrointestinal gesture of good will: a "poop" joke, which our consultants have assured us is something that you people enjoy.

Editors advice: Skip the fudge

ANTLERS!!!

We went to Miyajima several weeks ago, a fact you would never know from our once again woefully out of date blog. In addition to having its very famous orange tori gate in the water, it also has tame-ish deer.

Japan refuses to let natural selection run its course and has smattered the island with the following, very, very obvious warning sign:

The Kanji reads: "Especially be pleased to not forcefully examine the prostate of horned deers and so on"

Take Me Out to the Baru Game

We had the good fortune of being in Osaka while the Hanshin Tigers (the local baseball team) were in season and at home. We also lucked out by couch-surfing into the home of Paul, who helped us buy tickets through an otherwise indecipherable vending machine. The results were fantastic.

Yes, the balloons are a little phallic

As far as I know (and I'm no expert on baseball), the game is played exactly the same as in the US. The fans, however, are much more animated. Every player has a theme song that plays when they come up to bet. For example, one of the few American players, 'Mench' (pronounced 'Menchi' by the locals) enters to a Metallica song. Japanese players tend to opt for either electronic music or more interactive intros. Star player Kanemoto features the '99/2000 Darude dance hit 'Sandstorm', while less famous Sekimoto features an American vocalist crooning "Everybody Saaaaay...." prompting the crowd to respond with an enthusiastic "SEKIMOTO!"

In addition to the theme songs, there are also general chants for all players, plus each player has an individual chant specific to them. These chants are only employed when the relevant player is at bat. Here's a clip:



Finally, and this is the clencher, the game we went to featured a massive whistling balloon launch. See those balloons in the still above? Everyone blew them up partway through the seventh inning, then released them when the Tigers finally got up to bat. Some cool Osaka fans even hooked Tiara and me up with balloons so we could participate. I shot a video without looking, so it's a tiny bit cruddy. I was having too much fun to be a cameraman.

Tokyo Street Performer

A few notes about this video:
1) We have no idea what he's saying.
2) The little green thing on the ground at camera left is a Godzilla figurine. We watched him attempt this stunt and fail, after which he knelt next to the toy and either pleaded to it for help or blamed it for his failure.
3) It was really, really cold to be wearing skimpy spandex. ~50 F at the hottest.
4) As far as I can tell he did not attempt to collect any money for his performance. Presumably this is just how he likes to spend his Saturdays.

Who's the Boss?

US celebrities are often lured to Japan for product endorsements by lucrative contracts and the promise that their ads will never make it back to the US. My own governor has been involved in such affairs. We've been keeping our eyes out for more fun cameos, and though we don't have any Arnie sightings (so far), there is a cool canned-coffee ad campaign that has Tommy Lee Jones looking really tired.

More Intensity!

In case you're curious, hot coffee from a vending machine tastes just as bad as it sounds. Maybe that's why Tommy looks so sleepy. Anyhow, with the above ad campaign in mind, there was a certain bathing product we spotted in Vietnam that takes on a bit more meaning:

"Nothing cures my freaky mutant stench like X-Men"

Are the Vietnamese campaigning for a Tommy Lee Jones role in a superhero movie? Or maybe they just know something we don't.

Leaked movie still or bootleg fan mash-up? Only time will tell.

More Dog Poop, and Farang's First "Grand Caption Tournament"

At Farang HQ we employ sophisticated polling and tracking to find out what plays well with our many dedicated readers. There's been a steadily growing clamor for more coverage of canine feces, and you can bet we've heard it. Also, please stop sending pictures.

Without further ado, here's a fun dog poop sign from Okayama, Japan. Scatophiles eat your heart out.

You may have noticed this picture is missing the usual snarky caption. In the first ever Farang sponsored "Grand Caption Tournament," we're inviting our readers to submit their own captions via the comments field. At the end of three days time we'll vote on our favorite caption, and the winner will get a special prize.

The Burgeoning White Supremacy Anime Industry

Japanese Animation ("Anime") is one of Japan's most famous exports. For every award-winning family-friendly movie like Studio Ghibli's "Spirited Away," there are a number of less savory titles that the Japanese animation houses wisely choose not to dub into English. For example, both "My Wife is a High School Girl" and "My Balls" show up on a Google search for "offensive anime title."

As Tiara and I discovered, in Japan both the nice anime and screwed up morally hazardous anime generate product spinoffs. Offerings range from children's sneakers to action figures to the ubiquitous cell-phone strap charms. It is the last two categories that has spawned some really inappropriate products. We were first unsettled by little plastic school girls garbed in skin-tight cat-suits and mini-skirts, but these proved comparatively mild once we found a store selling luridly posed stark naked and anatomically impossible figurines. Yet none of these items seemed quite so oblivious and/or downright offensive as a charm we found in the children's section. Behold:

Umm, Trick or Treat?

Super Robo Crab

Spotted in Nagoya:

I, for one, welcome our new mecha-crustacean overlords.