ANTLERS!!!

We went to Miyajima several weeks ago, a fact you would never know from our once again woefully out of date blog. In addition to having its very famous orange tori gate in the water, it also has tame-ish deer.

Japan refuses to let natural selection run its course and has smattered the island with the following, very, very obvious warning sign:

The Kanji reads: "Especially be pleased to not forcefully examine the prostate of horned deers and so on"

Who's the Boss?

US celebrities are often lured to Japan for product endorsements by lucrative contracts and the promise that their ads will never make it back to the US. My own governor has been involved in such affairs. We've been keeping our eyes out for more fun cameos, and though we don't have any Arnie sightings (so far), there is a cool canned-coffee ad campaign that has Tommy Lee Jones looking really tired.

More Intensity!

In case you're curious, hot coffee from a vending machine tastes just as bad as it sounds. Maybe that's why Tommy looks so sleepy. Anyhow, with the above ad campaign in mind, there was a certain bathing product we spotted in Vietnam that takes on a bit more meaning:

"Nothing cures my freaky mutant stench like X-Men"

Are the Vietnamese campaigning for a Tommy Lee Jones role in a superhero movie? Or maybe they just know something we don't.

Leaked movie still or bootleg fan mash-up? Only time will tell.

More Dog Poop, and Farang's First "Grand Caption Tournament"

At Farang HQ we employ sophisticated polling and tracking to find out what plays well with our many dedicated readers. There's been a steadily growing clamor for more coverage of canine feces, and you can bet we've heard it. Also, please stop sending pictures.

Without further ado, here's a fun dog poop sign from Okayama, Japan. Scatophiles eat your heart out.

You may have noticed this picture is missing the usual snarky caption. In the first ever Farang sponsored "Grand Caption Tournament," we're inviting our readers to submit their own captions via the comments field. At the end of three days time we'll vote on our favorite caption, and the winner will get a special prize.

Posts From the Way Back Machine #7: A Love Letter to Hong Kong

Editors Note: In his last post looking back at months-old events, Ian sums up some of his favorite experiences from Hong Kong, or "China-lite."

Well folks, the Way Back Machine is just about out of gas (or plutonium, or chili-cheese fries, or whatever it is these crazy things run on), and I'd like to end on a high note. We loved our time in Hong Kong, and today I'd like to share with you some of our favorite things that made it so very special to us.

Dumplings:
The first time we walked down the street at dinner-time we passed a restaurant doing so much business the crowd formed a line out the door that blocked the sidewalk. This not only made the place hard to miss, but also quite literally arrested my attention. We tried it out the next day, and it was love at first bite - we ate dumplings four times in the next 24 hours. Despite dozens of return visits, we never got a good picture. As soon as the delicate morsels appeared in front of us our frontal-lobes shut down and all non-dumpling-related thoughts ceased.

An OK shot of take-home dumplings. I think they were infused with opium.

Signs:

There were a lot of funny English and demonstrative graphics on signs in Hong Kong. It's usually hard to pick one favorite, but not when you've got this one:

The graphic hints at marvelous things, though we never saw people doing this

Ocean Park:
Hong Kong has its own home-grown amusement complex, "Ocean Park." It's old Sea World meets new Sea World - dolphin shows and parrots and pandas and roller coasters. As if that weren't enough, the whole thing is set on a hill overlooking the coast, and several of the rides (plus the cable car) practically go out over the water. And did I mention the pandas? Coolest theme park ever.

We've got enough pictures to do a whole Ocean Park blog (it was our first day with a new camera), but for now you'll have to be satisfied with a shot of "The Dragon":

Breathtaking view, heart-stopping drops, and neck-breaking jolts make the dragon an exhilarating if poorly engineered ride.

Old People:

Yes, they're everywhere, but they are especially in Hong Kong. When I wasn't getting elbowed out of my place in line or pushed off the sidewalk by them, I was marveling at their resilience. I'm pleased to close the Hong Kong posts with a picture of our favorite old lady riding a bicycle with training wheels on it:

Further support for my theory that old people are actually just really wrinkly six-year-olds.

Posts From the Way Back Machine #2: On the Bowel Movements of Canines

Canis lupus familiaris, or the common dog, was first domesticated some 17,000 years ago in East Asia. This taming of a wild beast marked a momentous point in man's history. Our first and best friend was born - no longer need we feel alone or fear the night.

Though overwhelmingly positive, this new relationship was not without its tensions. Indeed, from it were born two enduring questions we still struggle with today: Why does our "best friend" shit on our floor and how can we get him to do it somewhere else?

A Macanese sign depicting man's displeasure at his companion's core biological function.

Given the site of domestication and ensuing long relationship with our canine companion, it is appropriate then that we turn east for answers. The Japanese, in their wisdom, engineered a dog that does not poop. Meatware dogs everywhere breathed a collective sigh of relief when Sony discontinued the AIBO in 2006. Given that our pets are (for now) destined to be products of biology, Hong Kong has developed a less radical approach.

Conveniently placed alongside trails and popular dog-walking streets, the 'Dog's Latrines' of Hong Kong offer an elegant answer: Give the dogs toilets.

Simple though it seems, the solution is not ready for immediate export. Despite concerted efforts by special interest groups, canine literacy rates in the US are abysmal, among the lowest in the world. What kind of friends are we if we don't equip our companions with the skills necessary to participate in polite society?

It has been some time since the Farang team has taken up an animal rights cause, and we are of course hesitant to do so again after the ensuing debacle, but we wholeheartedly believe that canine literacy is an issue worthy of your senator's time. Please, before you close the page because your boss is coming/get up to go to the bathroom/run to the freezer for a frozen twinkie, take a moment to pick up the phone and call your congressman. Your friend will thank you, and might even be able to find the bathroom.

Kadoori Farm - Fun and Signs

Yesterday we went out to the Hong Kong Wetland Park, in the New Territories. Our book said it was open Wednesday-Tuesday (that's every day, by normal conventions), which turned out to not include Tuesday. Thanks Lonely Planet. Already being out in the HK boonies, we detoured to Kadoori Farm, which is a combination of farm, bio-awareness museum, zoo, and hiking facility. Here's a fat pig:

The sign has his name as 'Jai Jai,' but in my mind he'll always be 'Emperor Snorffles'

The farm is built on some scenic real-estate. A shuttle bus took us up to the top, which had a suitably Chinese looking platform that gives a pretty good view of the area below.

Roofs like this one satisfy our need to feel like we're in China proper without actually paying for the visa.

Tiara, Farang team founder in her natural element

From the top we hiked down through the farm, enjoying the pleasant wooded trails and cobblestones. Along the way we were treated to some humorous signs, some of which are reproduced here for your enjoyment:

Forget flowers, show that special someone how you really feel.

I'm pretty sure half the guys at my high school went here. Seriously, you should have met these jerks.

This last sign begs viewer participation:

Keeping with the spirit of this sign, we pass the task to you, dear readers: What can you spread to help your community? We invite you to post your answers in the comments.

Flower Signage: Long-Leaved Sterculia

Please Do Not Fall Off Cliffs

Pictorial representations on signs of forbidden actions can be much more dynamic here.

Flower Signage: Pond Spice

Another good sign from the peak:

Flower Signage: Long-Flowered Ehretia

The Peak

The Peak is the tallest point on Hong Kong Island. We took the bus up here for some city views that we were hoping would be spectacular, but which were actually pretty smoggy. The bus ride was really fun, though. The city buses here are all double-decker, and the prime seats are in the very front on the upper level. It was pretty exhilarating to experience the steep road and tight turns with nothing in front of us but the windshield.

There are some nice trails around the peak, and it was nice to get away from the city streets for awhile. We also enjoyed the informational signs about the different foliage we could see on the trail. The writer had a bit of a poetic, romantic streak. Stay tuned for more of these signs in the next few days.

View of Hong Kong's central district from the top.

In case you were wondering what mainland China looks like from Hong Kong, there it is! Smog, smog, smog.

Ian loves these trees.

Good flower signage. Click on the photo to read the text.

Hair Salon Engrish

I think I'd prefer the Good Hair Salon or even, dare I say it, the Excellent Hair Salon.  However, this place is definitely a cut above the Half Bad Hair Salon.

Mind Your Edibles Part 2: Sign Engrish

Here's the long awaited second half of the 'Mind Your Edibles' series, featuring signs from the food market at Chiang Rai. I did my best to make them readable, but I've also typed out some of the delectable food options.

These read like short, sometimes grammatically correct sentences.
Left: The Moustache is Tiny Squid Roasts, The Demon Moustache Squid Roasts, The Banana Squid/Egg Squid Roasts.
Right: The Shrimp Burns, The Meatball Fries Every The Wood, The Ark Shell Scalds/Burns

This stand also features the popular "The Demon Moustache Squid Roasts," but offers up more traditional fare, like "Hor Deuver." I particularly like the presentation of "Shrimp Burns," as it sounds more like a service than a dish.

I made a post about a big gate

Hi everybody!

I'm still charlie, and here is my first post "on assignment!" Tiara said if i do good on this one i can write another. Ian said "go away you little batard, i'm trying to sleep." I don't know why he called me a batard when i am an ice cream cone, i think he is still confused from being sick.

Okay, now i will start my report, I went a couple days ago but some of the words are hard and it took me extra long to press all the letters. This is the victory gate of vientiane! Tiara gave me a ride because my legs are little and i can't always keep up.

A sign said the gate is a monster and it made me scared. Tiara said not to worry that calling it a monster was a "petit foure" (i think that is what she said).

We climbed all the way up to the top of the arch. Inside it was dark and scary and ian said it looked and smelled like a subway, but not the kind with jared and the sandwiches. At the top i looked down and it was really far.

Afterward we went and looked at it from the other side. I took a picture of it from far away, but the camera is really big and it came out kind of slanty. Tiara read in her big yellow book that it is made from concrete donated to build an air strip, and that some people call it the "vertical runway." I waited for three hours but didn't see any planes land on it :(

Ian and tiara went on a walking tour instead of watching for jets, so i had to take the bus back by myself. It was hard but i am okay, thank you for asking.

Okay, you can leave now. Bye everybody!

Stop Speciesism - Support Elepehant Suffrage

Today we went to Bangkok's Chinatown. With the sole exception of seeing a vendor selling shots of Johnnie Walker Red next to fancy crossbows, it was a total bust. Save yourself the airfare and go to San Francisco.

Instead of spending more time on Chinatown, I'd like to do my part to raise awareness of a cause close to my heart. You may not be aware that in Thailand it is illegal for elephants to vote. These backwards practices are reminiscent of our country's own dark history of disenfranchisement. I'd like to ask that each and every one of you take five minutes out of your day to write your local congressman a letter explaining the importance of elephant suffrage in Thailand. Lets end this thing, together.

Translation: No taxation without representation and/or peanuts.

No standing triumphatly on wall.

This is actually an old picture, we took it about a week ago at the place with all the temples. I forget the name, you can look it up in our blog. Anyhow, here's the picture:

While the sign is very clear about the appropriateness of standing and/or sitting triumphantly on walls, it does not explicitly cover the giant stone chicken case. I ferreted out this loophole and used it to bring you the following photo:

Observe the proud stance, the perfect angles of the arms against hips, the knock-off Ray Bans. Where there's a will, there's a way.

Zoo Signs

We went to the zoo. Here are some signs that caught our attention or amused us:

I wasn't sure about posting this sign, but every time I look at it I internally chuckle (in-chuckle?), so it got the nod. Apologies to mom and dad.

Lion attack: one of the lesser known health risks of smoking.

This one pretty much speaks for itself.