Posts From the Way Back Machine #3: Unchecked Narcissism

I know you're all thinking it, so I'm going to come out and say it. The only reason I'm still on staff here at Farang HQ is my looks - it sure ain't the writing. So drool on fangirls, this post is all about Ian eye-candy.

Pic 1: Ian on the Hong Kong Trail

Look out Babe Ruth, there's a new hunk in town

Hong Kong has a reputation for towering sky-scrapers and bustling city streets, but a linked network of trails ringing the island is one of the true gems. Tiara and I took a walk on the 'Dragon's Back,' which offered stunning vistas of... well let's be honest, the best views on the island weren't the verdant slopes and azure coastline, it was the towering figure of yours truly.

Pic 2: Mecha Strike Force Ian-XGZ Sapphire

Nerdeditors note: While large, this is far from a "life-size" replica. Full-size Gundam units are controlled by humans piloting from a seat in the mammoth robot's chest cavity.

Here's a picture of me next to a large/buff robot statue. I think I compare quite favorably. 'Nuff said.

Pic 3: Ian Sharp Rock Walking

Ow!

Here's a picture featuring my "softer side" - namely, the tender bottoms of my feet. That's right, dear readers, my relationship to the Greek Achilles goes much beyond my superficial resemblance to Brad Pitt's character in Troy.

For some reason people in Hong Kong think it's a good idea to walk around on really pointy rocks without wearing shoes. Either that or these are clever traps for foolish tourists, and they snared another unsuspecting victim.

Here's a low-angle shot of these "death rocks":

Seriously, these things were like three feet high and razor sharp.

That's it for the photo session, the show's over - you can roll your tongues back up into your mouth now. Our more astute readers may notice that I am wearing the same pants and same hiking boots in every photo. No, these were not taken on the same day. Let's just say you have to make choices when you're spending a year living out of a back-pack.

Posts From the Way Back Machine #2: On the Bowel Movements of Canines

Canis lupus familiaris, or the common dog, was first domesticated some 17,000 years ago in East Asia. This taming of a wild beast marked a momentous point in man's history. Our first and best friend was born - no longer need we feel alone or fear the night.

Though overwhelmingly positive, this new relationship was not without its tensions. Indeed, from it were born two enduring questions we still struggle with today: Why does our "best friend" shit on our floor and how can we get him to do it somewhere else?

A Macanese sign depicting man's displeasure at his companion's core biological function.

Given the site of domestication and ensuing long relationship with our canine companion, it is appropriate then that we turn east for answers. The Japanese, in their wisdom, engineered a dog that does not poop. Meatware dogs everywhere breathed a collective sigh of relief when Sony discontinued the AIBO in 2006. Given that our pets are (for now) destined to be products of biology, Hong Kong has developed a less radical approach.

Conveniently placed alongside trails and popular dog-walking streets, the 'Dog's Latrines' of Hong Kong offer an elegant answer: Give the dogs toilets.

Simple though it seems, the solution is not ready for immediate export. Despite concerted efforts by special interest groups, canine literacy rates in the US are abysmal, among the lowest in the world. What kind of friends are we if we don't equip our companions with the skills necessary to participate in polite society?

It has been some time since the Farang team has taken up an animal rights cause, and we are of course hesitant to do so again after the ensuing debacle, but we wholeheartedly believe that canine literacy is an issue worthy of your senator's time. Please, before you close the page because your boss is coming/get up to go to the bathroom/run to the freezer for a frozen twinkie, take a moment to pick up the phone and call your congressman. Your friend will thank you, and might even be able to find the bathroom.

Posts From the Way Back Machine #1: Hong Kong Product Expo

Regular readers of the farang blog have probably noticed that I'm not exactly carrying my weight around here. Sadly, so has the farang team management - I've been issued a written warning and placed on probation. As part of my supervisor-approved improvement action plan, I'll be posting a number of thoughts and pictures from Hong Kong - look for them over the next week or so. Anyhow, here's the first.

Tiara and I found out about the "Hong Kong Product Expo" when we were looking for free/cheap entertainment in Hong Kong. Now that we've been we're still not exactly sure what we saw, but it was cheap and Charlie seemed to have a good time. Here are five impressions/pictures:

1) It was very popular:

2) They sell something called "Caterpillar Fungus":

3) They sell it with giant caterpillar fungus mascots:

 

4) They have a lot of "capsules machines" - tricked-out versions of the coin operated toy machines you might find at the exit of your local supermarket:

 

5) These machines vend a variety of unusual offerings, including miniature plastic sushi, rubber band guns (some assembly required), and little bits of plastic anatomy:

Number One Cone

Charlie submitted this (and other work) a month ago when we were still in Hong Kong – I've been slow to help him post it. Sorry Charlie!

Happy january everybody!

Ian says that i have fans and that i need to write more blogs so they will keep reading and “make us all filthy rich.” I don't mind being filthy because i am naturally brown so you can't see dirt on me and also i smell like chocolate. Someone please tell this to ian, he says i “stink like a vagrant belgian” and need to take a bath or the flies will carry me away. I do not like baths or flies, so please do not get me either for christmas or my birthday.

Today i went to the hong kong walk of famous hong kong people (ed note: 'Avenue of the Stars'). It is just like the one in hollywood except that i have a hard time sounding out the people's names and the hand prints are mostly smaller. Ian and tiara don't let me watch enough tv so i have not heard of a lot of the hong kong stars. I did find a good american one though, jackie chan! Jackie chan is the most famous kung fu detective and he starred in lots of movies like "jackie chan in the bronx" and "rush hour" where he plays a detective from the honolulu police. I got a picture of me with his hand print, i think my hands were almost the same size!

It is a little hard to see my face but i am smiling because these are jackie chan's real hand prints!

Maybe i will change my name to charlie chan and do backflips and solve mysteries and have helicopter chases and say folksy chinese wisdom.

Okay, thank you for reading everybody! Here is an inspirational quote that i really like because even if i do not understand all the words it does talk about donuts:

"Optimist only sees donut. Pessimist sees hole."

- Jackie Chan

Happy Birthday, Dad!

This shark says, "I'm so excited it's your birthday! Party on."

In honor of this special occasion, I got you a present. Hope you like it:

Angkor Wat Part 3: Sunrise

After staying up late last Tuesday to cheer as Obama became our president, Richard and Debbie roused us early to catch sunrise over Angkor Wat. We were exhausted and completely templed-out, but we knew that this was probably our one chance to see this sunrise. The colors were muted but the early morning light was beautiful, and we had fun playing with our new camera while the rest of the family admired the bas reliefs. This was the perfect ending to three templetacular days.

Sunrise in its true-to-life colors.

Sunrise in our camera's sunset mode!

Me trying to be photography's Joseph Turner. Not saying this is great art, but it was fun.

Pretty light inside the temple.

Brought to you by Ian, master of light!

Richard realized his lifelong dream of visiting Angkor Wat. That kid who's running away was really cute, but didn't want to be in my photo.

Angkor Wat Part 2: What a Relief!

Many of the temples of Angkor are covered in massive bas reliefs. These reliefs depict historic events and contain lots of religious imagery. Many bas reliefs in the Buddhist temples contained large empty spaces where images of the Buddha had been removed by Hindu leaders. Although the historical significance of the reliefs is generally lost on me, what is really surprising is what good quality most of the reliefs are still in, especially considering they are 600-1,000 years old.

Human battle.

Rooster battle.

A "stick in the eye" specialist.

Some bas reliefs are shiny from being rubbed by foreigners as well as Cambodians in search of protection from the Khmer Rouge. No surprises about which parts get rubbed the most.

Angkor Wat Part 1: Three Days of Temples

Ian's family ran us ragged in Angkor Wat. Prior to our arrival in Cambodia, we had been accustomed to sleeping eight or nine hours a night. Once we started touring temples it was, "Goodybe, sleep. Hello, wee hours of the morning." This made us a little grumbly and we send our apologies to anyone who had to deal with us on those days. The bright side of getting up early was that we managed to see a lot of temples in the cooler morning hours (followed by lots of temples in the hot afternoon hours). Though the sights were outstanding, I admit I spent a lot of time fantasizing about the hotel pool.

It would be impossible to give you a good overview of what we saw in less than 300 photos. The temples were everything we hoped they would be - mystical, overgrown, ornately carved - and many things we hoped they wouldn't be - overrun with tourists, full of touts, and very, very hot. Angkor Wat could easily be spoiled by the ever-increasing onslaught of tourists, so get there soon. You've probably seen images just like these before, but these are from our very own camera:

Bayan at Angkor Thom.

Tha Prom - definitely our favorite temple.

How much is that cute boy in the window?

These columns sure are crumbly. The slightest touch is all it takes....

Arrival in Cambodia

The Kuala Lumpur Low Cost Carrier Terminal is the worst airport Ian and I have ever experienced. That's saying a lot, as we were once stuck under Lima airport's leaky roof for nine hours. Here's a good indicator of their ineptitude: our flight to Siem Reap was boarding at a gate with the sign "Hanoi." A mass of people with tickets for three different flights were all in the same line, and no crew members monitored the line to help people figure out where they needed to be. As we passed through the gate (presumably to board our plane), we were individually told our plane number and were released onto the tarmac to find our plane. Here we thought the gate would lead us down one of those little tunnels to our plane but instead we were walking around on the asphalt looking for plane F25. Awesome.

All this means we were very happy to arrive in Siem Reap, Cambodia to begin our three-day tour of Angkor Wat. We were excited to meet up with Ian's sister, Katie, and her boyfriend, Clark, when we arrived. It was Katie's birthday on Monday, and it was pretty cool to have a family reunion in Cambodia to celebrate. A few non-temple photos from our first couple of days:

First night's sunset. We watched it from a hilltop temple with about 1,000 other tourists.

Tiara loves Cambodia sunsets ... as long as the mosquitoes stay away.

Debbie, Katie, and Clark tuk-tuking around town.

The river was very still and had great reflective properties this morning.

Richard and Debbie bought Katie an elephant ride for her birthday. Ian and I were also feeling generous and spent a whole American dollar on bananas so she could feed the elephant.

Kuala Lumpur Photos

We're way behind in our posts. Charlie has been trying to help, but he's been wrapped up in seeing the sights and in some adventures of his own, as he's sure to tell you about in the near future. We are currently in Battambang, Cambodia, but over the next several days we'll be posting photos from the last couple weeks of our trip, including Angkor Wat. Pardon the lack of chronology here - our favorite ice cream cone kid can only do so many things at once!

Ian has provided you with his astute observations and accurate impressions of our first couple of days in Kuala Lumpur. Once the cockroaches chased us out of our guest house, however, things really improved. We found a nice place in a different part of town, and by the time we left we had gained a real appreciation for the city. The food was excellent, the architecture was impressive, and the nearby sights were pretty cool. Some photos:

Kuala Lumpur Monorail. This is not a bad system, but the crowds are awful during Peak Hours. Needed: more than two cars per train.

Another view of the Petronas Towers.

View from the top: neat tile patterns on the roof of the attached mall.

View of some nice gardens by the towers.

Menara Kuala Lumpur.

Awesome man with a bullhorn teaching passersby how to solve math problems.

The very sacred and craggy Bantu Caves.

Monkey at the Bantu Caves.