I like lasagna!

Hi everybody!

I'm charles the ice-cream-kid, but most people call me charlie. Except one time downtown an old man called me coney. “Coney go home,” he said. My dad said not to listen to him because he was 'bread-jou-dish,' but he smelled more like lasagna to me. I like lasagna, do you like lasagna? I bet you do, everyone likes lasagna!

I like all kinds of foods. Tiara and ian told me if i worked for them they would pay me peanuts. I told them that i loooooooooooooove peanuts and i can sometimes type five words a minute if they're short words and i would start right away! I hope they have honey-roasted peanuts, i like them the best.

I'm so excited to eat honey-roasted peanuts and work for tiara and ian! I feel like i'm riding a monkey that's petting a talking chihuahua and i'm eating a big bag of cotton candy that looks like a fluffy pink cloud and the monkey is strapped to space mountain at Disneyland and every time we go down a dip the chihuahua says “Ai chihuahua!” This is so much fun! It's even better than when my job was to mow the lawn and i accidentally mowed the desk in the study. Dad was really mad even after I gave him the lawnmower bag with all the pieces of paper and laptop in it.
I have to go now, Ian needs his medicine. He says he has the 'flew' but it sounds more like the flew has him! Haha, get it? He coughs and sniffles a lot.

Okay bye!

Introducing the Newest Member of the Farang Team

As you know, we've accumulated quite a backlog of posts in recent weeks. So, we've embraced the spirit of of American capitalism and have hired some local help at wages that undercut the US market. Meet Charles, the newest member of the Farang team:

Charles approached us at a mall in Krabi, eager to work and smelling of chocolate. We were instantly taken by his enthusiasm and cheerful demeanor. He tells us that he is named after Charles of Charles Chocolates, one of the greatest American chocolatiers. He often goes by the nickname Charlie, which reminds him of his favorite book, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

We put Charlie to work right away answering reader mail:

As our intern, Charlie will also be helping us sort through our hundreds of photos so we can share some of the best with you. When we reach Laos, we may allow him to bring you some special reports of his own. When he's not working hard for the Farang team, Charlie enjoys squeezing into small spaces, attending toga parties, and riding elephants.

We are thrilled to have Charlie on board. Please join us in welcoming him to the Farang team!

Greetings from Phuket

Sorry for the lapse in blog posts. We've been traveling at breakneck speed lately, trying to see as much as we can before we catch our flight to Laos on Wednesday. The good news is that we'll be able to bring you lots of pictures and updates once we get to Vientiane.

We're currently in Phuket, spending a couple days on a beach near the airport. Phuket is alright, but no great shakes compared to some of the islands we've been visiting lately. We're getting pretty sick of hearing, "Hello, where you go?" from hopeful taxi drivers every time we step onto the street. Hopefully the folks in Laos will have a different line. In the meantime, we've gotten pretty good at speaking the Thai version of pidgin English. In fact, we fear that we'll speek pidgin English better than proper English by the time we get home.

I leave you with what we say to each other whenever we need cheering up (like if we find a roach in our bed or if our tuk tuk driver drops us 15km from where we want to go): Barack Obama!!!

Frog Porn

Khao Sok Critters

As Tiara mentioned, our rainforest guide guide was a certified Bad Ass (BACN 55341877) - sort of a cross between Martha Stewart and Chuck Norris. When he wasn't felling tall bamboo and fashioning it into stylish implements for contemporary living, he was busy catching and presenting the variety of bugs and lizards that inhabit the jungle. We got decent pictures of some of his catches, so enjoy.

Here he displays a small gliding lizard. He caught a couple of these for us to look at. After he was done he'd give them a nice toss straight up in the air, which they'd use to glide to a nearby tree. Neat!

The bigger/older gliding lizards seemed to have less color, but were still impressive.

Here's a female chameleon. She was a biter, but our guide demonstrated how to avoid getting hurt (Tip: Wait for the lizard to let go of your thumb before trying to pull it away).

This is just an ordinary tree... or is it? The various little lumps sticking out from the bottom are actually living beetles. They blended in even better than the picture captures - the flash from the camera makes them stick out more. Here's one by itself, on our guides finger:


The last picture of me looking like a dork, and the guide looking like a bad ass. The guide is the one holding the chameleon. You may notice the yellow band on his arm. While it may bear a superficial relationship to the LiveStrong bracelets, it's actually a KingStrong bracelet (contains "Long Live the King" printed in English and Thai). Tiara and I have so far been unable to find these hip accessories for sale, but as soon as we do you'll be the first to know.

Voting Results

Today marks a momentous day for America. Two titans met on the field of battle, and a historic victory was achieved. Truly, the world has changed.

I speak of course on the landmark results of the eggnana/bananegg contest. I'd like to thank all of  my supporters for the incredible amount of time, energy, and money they donated to the bananegg cause. Despite the outcome, you should feel proud that you championed truth in face of adversity. Dear readers, I salute you.

But the people have spoken, and they have spoken for the eggnana. My competitor is a good woman, and if the world cannot have my lexical vision, then at least it can have hers. Now I ask that we cast aside our differences and embrace the eggnana. It is time for us to come together as a blog audience for the good of the nation.

On a clsoing note, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OBAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The only people that are happier than Tiara and I about this presidential race are our parents, since there's now a reasonable chance we'll some day return to the US.

Things you can get for 10 baht #9, a delightful tale in which Ian acquires a scrumptous ice cream treat, but is put off by the gelatinous white ovoids

For our (possibly last) installment in the TYCGF10B series, I present to you this cup of ice cream:


The street vendor had no signs and spoke no English, so I said the word for one ('nung') and watched to see what I got. It started out simple, with two scoops of vanilla, but sped into a blur I could scarce follow. The vendor disappeared in a whirlwind of chocolate sauce and candied things. An observer from above may have been able to see the treat building within the eye of this sugar-storm, but I had to wait for the last clouds of ice to die down. What emerged was a bowl packed with goodies, brimming with additional scoops and flavors of ice cream, candied pineapple, chocolate sauce, and a nasty white gel I can best describe as rendered squid brain. I worried at the coming damage to my already troubled pocket book, but the punchline is of course already spoiled - I handed the lady 100 baht, and she gave me 90 back in change.

I still don't know what the white stuff is. I threw it out after one repugnant bite. The rest was quite tasty.

I Has a Bucket

For title reference, visit: http://ihasabucket.com/

Upon arriving in Hat Rin on Koh Pha Ngan a couple weeks ago, we learned that most of the tourism in the area is geared toward the town's Full Moon Party, a raucous celebration that attracts throngs of farangs to drink, cavort, and consume buckets. "What are buckets?" you ask. We wondered the same thing, especially when we saw all these stands on the beach, promoting their "Will Smit Buckets," "Fucking Good Buckets," and of course, "Bethlehem Buckets: Jesus' Favorite."

Okay, so buckets are some sort of drink. We wondered if you just got a bucket with some beers in it, or if maybe you'd purchase a bottle of Thai whisky and a mixer and carry it around in a bucket. Seems like a good way to keep your drinks organized during a beach party. Later on, on our beach in Thong Nai Pan (we were happy to have missed the Full Moon Party), we saw that the minimart sold buckets with Sang Som, which is our favorite brand of Thai whisky. (Sidenote: Mekong tasts like paint thinner. Don't drink it. Ever.) Thinking that nothing could be better than a cocktail on the beach, we decided to give this bucket thing a try. The lady at the counter led us around the minimart to select our mixer (we chose Coke) and energy drink (Red Bull), both of which would be included in the bucket. She also offered us ice. Some miscommunication must have ocurred around here, because what we ended up with was not a bucket containing this bottles and cans, but rather this:

I had been suspecting all along that a bucket might really be a bucket of booze, yet somehow we weren't quite expecting this. It's sort of obscene. Walking through town with a bucket that did truly runneth over was sort of shameful. We had tried to separate ourselves from those drunken farangs and yet, there we were, bucket in hand. It was fun to drink and tasted quite good, actually, but, needless to say, we didn't come close to finishing it. I can't believe folks can consume multiple buckets in one evening. Frats have nothing on Full Moon Parties.

Khao Sok Rainforest

We had tons of fun in the Khao Sok Rainforest last week. The town was incredibly picturesque, surrounded by limestone karsts and teeming with wildlife. "Teeming" usually implies bugs and yes, there were plenty. However, we were fortunate to stay in a very well-sealed place and only had to deal with the mosquitos and leeches (or "leep" as our guide said) outdoors. Since neither of us is really comfortable wrangling snakes or wrestling tigers, we decided to get a guide for our trek - hopefully someone who would carry a really big stick.

As it turned out, our guide, Kim, did not carry a stick, but he did carry a serious knife, and he knew how to use it. He sliced into some bamboo and fashioned a bamboo straw so we could drink fresh water right out of the stalk! The water was delicious and slightly bamboo-infused. Ian and I have imagined this would make a great table presentation at an upscale Asian fusion restaurant. Check out the bamboo cups he made for us so we could drink tea after lunch (he boiled the water over a bamboo fire):

While lazing about by the waterfall, enjoying our lunch and fresh fruit, we witnessed Kim cut down some bushes, clean off some vines, and then swing from said vines over the river, cigarette in mouth and knife in hand. He also used his knife to make some great bamboo whistles for us, which also functioned as percussion instruments. Sadly, we won't be bringing you any bamboo band videos anytime soon, as our whistles were cracked by morning.

We didn't get to see any tigers or snakes, but Kim more than paid for himself by chasing down all sorts of bugs and lizards so we could see them up close (see Ian's upcoming post). Other fun rainforest activities included Tarzan-style vine swinging:

and porch-style vine swinging:

Check out our dorky outfits in that last photo. We thought we were so smart to wear tall socks and long pants on this trek. Kim approved of the tall socks but not the long pants, as it would make it harder to spot leeches on our legs. This rolled-up pant leg and tall sock combo will be seen all over the runways in Paris and Milan this spring, guranteed.

More rainforest scenery:

Trouble in Paradise: Reader Poll #2

You've been reading the blog, drooling over delicious thai food, laughing at our bad jokes, and looking at our photos and imagining that it's actually you smiling on a sunny beach, instead of sitting at a poorly lit desk putting off writing those TPS reports. Things must be perfect for us, right?

Oh if only it were true. As with any long companionship in close quarters, the arguments have come, temperatures have run hot, and words were said that could never be taken back. Yes, dear readers, bitter seeds were planted in Bangkok, bitter seeds indeed. Now these bitter seeds have turned into bitter plants, which blossomed into bitter flowers, whose bitter petals subsequently fell off, revealing the bitter buds, which finally grew into the bitter fruits of our misfortune.

In the spirit of the coming election, and in hopes of salvaging what little remains from the wreckage of our relationship, Tiara and I humbly present our debate, the source of so much heartache and hostility, for our readers to decide. First, a little background:

The banana roti, famous the world over (and particularly popular with readers), actually comes in multiple varieties. The simplest form is just the fried dough and condensed milk. A step up is adding slices of banana to the inside of this dough. These are well and good, but the supreme roti, the Cadillac of rotis, goes one step further. A single egg is cracked into a metal canister. To this canister one adds a single banana, sliced. By some unknown alchemy, the resultant mixture metamorphoses into a substance of pure God. This is then added to the pancake, fried, and imbibed. The ovoid admixture has a profound effect on the dopamine system, the details of which I will leave to the Scientists to despoil.

Now, we reach our quandary. The heavenly union of egg and banana (the "manna") has surpassed both banana and egg, and requires a new name. Tiara and I agree (as I'm sure will our readers), that a portmanteau is the only possible solution. The devil, as they say, is in the details.

Which leads us finally to our poll, the question at the source of our rancorous dispute: What is the best name for the egg/banana mixture?

Choices:
Bananegg
Eggnana

You have three days to cast your ballot.